There were maybe five families trashier than mine growing up and one of them had a little girl who had to cut her hair because she didn’t brush it for a year and then, later, had to get rabies shots because she pet a raccoon.

I think about that a lot when I’m stressed out for some reason. It’s been on my mind all day.

FYI my doctor said I have a very small uterus and spoke to my cervix, TO my cervix, “it’s just a little guy we have to help out” and then her numbing needle slipped (“it’s a very long needle and it kind of just floated away from me”) and I’m just not going to talk about that part at all.