February 2012
This is now a Nightmare Blog.
Had a dream everyone I knew and loved fell victim to the Zombie Apocalypse, though it was more of an infection type of thing a la 28 Days Later. I watched as they began to feel hot, so hot they couldn’t stand it. They would lay in the snow just to get relief. Then they would start to decompose, their teeth turned pointy, and they would try to attack anything they could.
I watched my dogs...
adorablyvulgar asked: Since you're basically the head of the Tumblr Mafia, I'm guessing it was you who put my cake in the LOL tag, and I just wanted to thank you for that. But also, are you trying to get into my pants, Caragh? Again? Is that what this is all about?
It’s really hard to complain about how cold your fingertips are on Facebook when your childhood friend keeps updating everyone on the benefit being held for her little brother who was shot in a freak accident. Luckily there is you, Tumblr.
I think it should be perfectly acceptable to e-mail your professor before class starts and explain that you’re going to miss class because you’re afraid of everything. Everything on a tangible level (murder, rape, falling rocks, brain aneurysm, aortic aneurysms and, oh god, could you get an areola aneurysm? Could that happen? Here lies Caragh, passed away unexpectedly due to a burst...
Anonymous asked: i know someone asian who eats fries with forks
Anonymous asked: I eat french fries with a fork... PS- I'm white.
French Fry/Fork/Racist update:
Upon second inspection, it’s actually ziti. They’re eating it normally. Questions answered and crisis averted.
How am I ever going to marry a rich, handsome black man after seeing two people appear to eat french fries with a fork makes me assume it might be a “black thing”? That’s borderline racist. It might be full on passive racism.
Gonna take an ad out in the...
And now I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering if eating french fries with forks is a “black thing” or if I just stumbled upon the Facebook album of a bunch of people who eat french fries weird and also they’re black and I guess I’m racist?
Someone asked me my life goal the other day and the only thing I could think to say was “make eye contact with Brad Pitt.” Now that I’ve thought about it, I realized that my life goal is to someday hold a conversation with someone and not constantly divert my gaze down and away from theirs because that’s what abused pit bull puppies do, not female human beings.
But then I...
Whoever the fuck invented magnifying mirrors was a fucking cunt.
Anonymous asked: is louis ck your dad?
“Sometimes when I’m brushing my teeth, I’ll look in the mirror and I swear my...”
– Charles Yu, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe (via bunkercomplex)
Anonymous asked: Have you ever gone to a counselor or a therapist? Anxiety disorders don't go away with willpower or time. If you have such high anxiety that it's affecting your life this much, then it's time to realize it's an illness to be treated.
I wrote for about 15 minutes today, so I rewarded myself with 30 minutes of staring at the ceiling and realizing that I’ve been so involved with anxiety these past few weeks (see: frequent vomiting) that I feel, for the first time in years, completely unanxious. My mind has temporarily given up. I’ve given all I could give to worries and wants. I think the breaking point was the...
I have a pair of pajama pants my aunt gave me last year that stretch to unimaginable widths and lengths. . They’re depressing because a pair of pants with that much give denotes that you’ve given up.
This morning I woke up in an altered version of fetal position, with the waist band of my pants stretched over my shoulders. As in my arms were in my pants, hugging my knees. As in these...
“OH! I get it. He’s gay!”
– If you ever can’t figure a guy out, 99% of the time you’ll come to this realization and 95% of the time you will be right. You’re welcome!!!
Win $5000 for your student loans →
I’m torn because for every one of you that signs up with that link, I get an extra entry. But your entry kind of negates my entry.
Anyway, you know I deserve this more than anyone, except maybe Elizabeth Smart. And even then you KNOW that blonde biddy got mad dough for her interviews later on. Have you SEEN the pearls she wears now?!
Listen
Yet another 7 hour shift at work followed by 5 hours of school.
This morning I masturbated to the unemployment rates. Just kidding. Maybe? I’m just really jealous of people who are unemployed right now.
“A conversation is held under the presumption that you have something of value to...”
– My Shakespeare professor, who was one of three teachers who influenced Robin Williams’ character in Dead Poets Society. He said Keating jumping off the desk was taken directly from his own lecture, and that he worked with Williams one on one for certain mannerisms.
I always know a professor...
Here's Why Your Relationship is Doomed, and Other... →
psychotherapy:
So are most marriages doomed to fail?
It is an archaic institution designed to expire concurrent with a woman’s childbearing years, just like in the olden days. The idea of two people changing together and—more importantly— accepting each others changes over a 50-year span is delusional unless that person is undeniably your best friend in the whole world. Ever.
Needs-based...
For every twenty minutes I read film and/or literary analysis for class, I find my brain suddenly jerking to a halt and my eyes start to glance over words, but when I reach the end of the page I suddenly realize that I have no idea what I read because I was too busy thinking about Law and Order:SVU, but with dogs.
In case people forgot, Chris Brown is awful →
This is hard to get through, which only points to how important it is to read.
I think a person can make a violent, horrific mistake. I think a good person can grow up in a horrible home and not know how to control their emotions. It’s why I’m obsessed with serial killers, why I reluctantly enjoy learning about rapists. I don’t think anyone is innately bad. I don’t...
“I was on your fb page for like 2 seconds, I think it was to make fun of you, and...”
– Chris did a really great job of insulting me on Facebook tonight. Not only does he directly tell me that he visited my facebook in the interest of making fun of me, but then he demonstrates that he got too sidetracked with a different way of making fun of me to follow through with however else he...
Imagine, if you will.
I keep wanting to make a Shit Caragh Says About Shit People Say Videos video, but I need to edit (or, absolutely more likely: delete entirely, begin to write again, and edit) for the reading later this month, and then I have to start research on my Israel trip and, oh ha ha ha, have I mentioned to you guys that I am taking an extra 3 credits this semester in addition to my senior seminar, and only...
shannonborden asked: Grammys?
Because I’m not a daily smoker, cigarettes are great for my anxiety because, unless I’m drunk, they make me so nauseous that I can’t concentrate on anything except how sick I feel.
So that’s where I’m at right now, at 24. Smoking cigarettes behind my car and thinking about dry heaving in strange parking lots because that’s a lot easier than dealing with uh,...
ring, ring, ring
Me: Heyyyy!!!!
K: He -- hello?
Me: Hiiiii!!!
K: Can I... is Caragh there?
Me: Uh.
K: OH. I thought it was your nephew.
Me: What?!
K: Yeah.
Me: Wait. Because I answered the phone happy and not how I usually sound?
K: N-- Well, yeah.
“We should all do it! Let’s go! For a weekend trip!”
– Found myself saying this to someone I met twice, the first time being over 5 years ago. Because I don’t know how to interact with anyone. YES, LET’S ALL GO OUT TO WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS. I’M SURE YOU’RE DYING TO SPEND A WEEKEND WITH ME, SINCE I’M SUCH A GREAT FRIEND,...
Things I've Written Today:
I am VERY influential in the black community.
I imagine all of the romantic songs on the radio are for Starbucks. Rapper TI’s halfway crude “Whatever You Like” is about Starbucks. The opening lines of Lolita? Starbucks. Starbucks, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Star-Bucks: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of two steps down the palate to rest, at two, on the tongue. Star....
Anonymous asked: i've noticed you've been doing a few more posts since Erin is back.... are you competing?
thatwhitebitch:
I mean, saw this real time when this show aired but this is the first time seeing this GIF and DEAD.
DIED.
I DIE.
I DIED.
I’M DEAD
Word, word, word. Who knew threatening finger bangs were like, the hottest thing you could put on cable? It was almost rape, but not really, because Don Draper’s jawline.
They left out the part where he pulls his fingers out and wipes...
“How many times have people taunted me because of a color that I had on or how...”
– Kanye West (via joshishollywood)
“I LOVE COLORS, LIKE TEAL AND TAUPE AND SALMON” - KANYE WEST, LISTING COLORS
