October 2008
“Life’s too short to be that hard on your motherfucking self.”
– Katt Williams, who has unknowingly taken on the task to guide me through life. Honestly though, he is a single father to 8 kids, 7 of whom are adopted? One of whom was a crack baby? Katt Williams, full of compassion.
I’m going to drop kick every person I see dressed as The Joker tonight!
I’m so disappointed? Goddammit, false advertising. Wigs are my FAVORITE part of Halloween and NOW IT’S RUINED. I don’t even think I want to wear this.
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
Watchmackenziegoodman:
There’s a good chance I’m going to watch this video every day for the next week and a half.
It’s straight up insane how much funnier Kaitlyn Olson has gotten since the first season. I know she was meant to be more of the straight-man in the first few episodes, but still.
I HOPE HE BLEEDS ON ME.
Seriously though, it’s me. i might be meeting Andrew WK. You don’t know how excited I am. And sexcited. I’m that as well.
GUESS WHO MIGHT BE MEETING ANDREW WK!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!
(hint: not you guys!)
“Maybe we should stop beating our kids… publicly. We are tired of going to...”
– Katt Williams, on child rearing.
What can I say - I respond well to swearing. Can I hire Katt Williams to guide me through life?
“I’m just saying, life is short. Ladies, ya’ll need to stop stressing...”
– Katt Williams has sort of become my Life Coach these past few weeks.
Maybe I won’t be Christmas for Halloween. Maybe I will just be a dead thing. I guess. I don’t know.
Dead Christmas?
Today when I was peeing at work I thought of the greatest name for a gay, black male porn star:
Blow-J Simpson.
“John Lennon shot and the gay-cancer thing, I guess”
– Penn Jillette on the 80s.
I hate how these headphones are only playing music into one ear. My head feels unbalanced. Like one of my shoes is tied tighter than the other. It throws everything off.
Question: Is it funny if I dress like Christmas for Halloween? It’s a lazy cop out, I only have to wear green and red things, maybe some gold. Maybe some ribbons in the hair. I just thought it was a kind of funny idea, but...
Watching season four of Weeds totally counts as studying for my Spanish test, right?
“I’m never comfortable around anyone until I’ve figured out how I could make them...”
– Niki.
I'm a cunt, part 1
When I was 15 or 16 I got in a really awful argument with my mother. When I argue with someone, my main mission is to hurt the hell out of them. I know it’s awful. I’m a shitty human being, no compassion, etc. I think it’s because I just feel like if they are making me feel this bad, I want to make them feel my pain ten times worse? Listen, I’m not condoning it and I feel...
“BREATHE OUT, BREATHE OUT!”
– Maybe I accidentally did a whippet last night when my friend force fed me whipped cream. Maybe. (Although, let’s be honest. There isn’t much force involved when it’s whipped cream. Maybe a meek ’no thanks’ at best.)
I have video of me loudly singing “Whatever You Like” in the streets of Boston.
You could say shit got a little out of hand last night. Just a little though. It was the right amount.
Tonight I am:
- Going to see Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist (shut up!)
- Getting my hardcore drink on for the first time since the summer. Although I highly doubt I will be pumping a keg ‘til 7 in the morning like I was then. I kind of wish I could say that was out of character, but lets be honest. When you pair me with another person who likes getting Out Of Control, we will go the...
30 Rock
Jack: This is GE!
Devon: It's just "G" now, Jack, I sold the "E"! To Samsung. They're Samesung now!
Oh god, it’s not the most original thing in the world for a 20 year old student to write inevitably embarrassing bad comedy shorts, but I’m excited anyway!
(Back story: My friend asked if I wanted to help write with her and her college friends. I said yes. Then I got excited. Then I started to write this. Then I realized I have no idea how to make up funny ideas and then put them...
OMFG. LIVE PUPPY CAM. →
(via tiddlywiddlypoo)
Oh my god, I’m done. Nothing is better than this.
WOAH, HEY. WOAH.
JAMES FRANCO IS APPARENTLY NAKED IN THAT NEW MOVIE HE IS IN WHERE HE IS NAKED.
THIS REQUIRES ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN LOOKS LIKE WHEN I THINK ABOUT JAMES FRANCO NAKED.
My haircut is fucking awful.
A Kewl New Game - Classy Name - Find the Classiest...
amandalynferri:
Classy Name is a game I invented a few weeks ago. This game is a challenge with a very low winning percentile.
Here is how you play: First you turn off google image safe search and simply put in a female name. You win if you find a name that DOES NOT have pornographic image on the first page of results. Even Oprah has a photo shopped pornographic image that shows up in the...
Regina Spektor - Carbon Monoxide
Carbon...
