February 2008
My father just gave me permission to drink in the house as long as I’m staying home (seeing as I’m only 20) and then when he offered me a beer I declined because I have no idea if I feel comfortable drinking in front of my parents. Which is normal, right? You go years hiding this sort of illegal thing… All with a hidden understanding that you DO do it, just not in front of them...
Two and a half years ago I threw a party while my family was out of town. Two and a half years ago and it was STILL brought up twice today by two different family members.
I just came from the wake. I came out of the bathroom at the parlor and saw my grandmother. I went to give her a hug, then she started choking on her crackers. After she was done coughing I said, ‘Can I give you a hug or will you die?” To my grandmother. At my grandfather’s wake. I was mortified. While I realize that this is something I would laugh at if it was apart of a movie...
“My cousin’s vagina ripped all the way to the asshole.”
– - A commento on ONTD on a post about Christina Aguilera deciding on having a c-section. The MOMENT I found out about how it’s not uncommon to poop and pee during labor I was thoroughly disgusted with the whole idea. The MOMENT I found out about vaginal tearing (TEARING OF THE VAGINA. MY...
Feelings Are Boring, Kissing is Awesome
etrangere: Kaileen, the girl who once wouldn’t date a guy because he was “too hot” and because he asked her what her interests were in a text message, was disappointed that I wasn’t going to facebook him. “I really think you’re overly pessimistic.” Judgmental, Kaileen. The word is judgmental. Is this the same guy who IMed her and was like “So, what do you do?” Because in her...
Today work was tolerable for four reasons: 1. Hot guy laughed at my joke 2. I played with Lola, our store-favorite English Bulldog for hours. 3. I sold the beagle that has been in the store for about 3 months. It’s such a weird, almost bittersweet feeling seeing your favorite puppy go. On one hand, it’s really sad to part with them, but on the other, larger hand they don’t have...
I forgot about this… Two days ago at work this guy came in with his friend and they were easily my favorite customers of the week. Super nice and funny and what did the guy buy? Two bunnies for his girlfriend for Valentine’s. So adorable, man. Exactly one year ago today this other guy bought a Cairn Terrier priced at $700 for his girlfriend and the moment she saw it (I walked the dog...
Aw man, I bought That’s So Raven valentine’s to pass out today and TOTALLY forgot about them. This holiday is RUINED.
charizardinuse: so i'm going to see spike lee speak at bridgewater state in like a half hour
beckyblurtsout: wow
beckyblurtsout: have fun
charizardinuse: yeah i'm waiting for tim and dan to show up
charizardinuse: i hope we're not late
charizardinuse: and the only white people there
charizardinuse: because that's just a perfect storm for a record scratch moment
The only reason why I didn’t laugh at the deaf girl’s oral presentation today is because I repeated the words “dead grandfather, dead Papa” over and over in my head the entire time she did it. Thinking those words now is probably going to make me throw up again in about 5 minutes, but you do not understand how necessary it was at the time. It’s not BECAUSE she is...
My grandfather died today, just a few hours before they were scheduled to pull the plug. The decision was made last night after he had another major heart attack and his heart rate spiked to 150. While his sons and daughter were praying for him at the hospital, his heart rate returned to normal for the first time in 16 hours. I got to work and couldn’t get out of the parking lot. I called in...
I’m going to have a nephew.
Last night I sent two pictures from my phone to my tumblr and they still haven’t appeared. I wonder if in some impossible way they got sent to someone/something else and now people are like “what is this? what is with that giant pile of clothes that is about two hampers high and a hamper and a half wide?” If I knew where these people were I would tell them “That enormous...
Paste Magazine :: News :: Larry David to star in... →
Oh my god, will I be able to handle the Jewish neuroticism? I don’t think so, but I’m willing to try. I find both of these men attractive as long as I don’t have to look at them.
co-worker: (8:50:27 PM) ill admit it i guess u can call me a satanist
co-worker: (8:50:32 PM) but it depends on what u mean by the word
co-worker: (8:50:48 PM) i just believe in the oppisite, not exactly the devil
me: (8:53:15 PM) Ohhh
Oh my god, this is the worst AIM conversation he's ever put me through.And I unblocked him LITERALLY twenty minutes ago.
I was walking out of the mall about half an hour after it closed, leaving me and the rest of the employees, and I heard a voice over the speaker system in Old Navy. At first I thought it was some dude who works there just talking over it so I kind of smiled and then the smile quickly dropped and my brow furrowed when I realized that the Old Navy employees were playing a Dane Cook CD over their...
