The Gnarly Blow-Js.
I don’t know why this phrase has been stuck in my head since leaving work an hour and a half ago, but it has. Maybe it can be a band name. Or the name of a documentary about bad oral sex stories. The Gnarly Blow-J Chronicles.
- beckyblurtsout: what's your neopets name?
- X TugboatCaptain: NO BECCA
- X TugboatCaptain: DONT MAKE ME
- beckyblurtsout: WHAT ISSSS IT
- X TugboatCaptain: OH NO
- beckyblurtsout: cmon!!
- beckyblurtsout: we're friends!!
- X TugboatCaptain: werewolfbarmitzvah22 :-(
- beckyblurtsout: NO WAY
- beckyblurtsout: HAHAHAH
- X TugboatCaptain: werewolfbarmitzvah was taken
- X TugboatCaptain: hahahaah
- beckyblurtsout: hahah why that?
- X TugboatCaptain: on 30 rock tracy jordan sings a song out of no where called werewolf abr mitzvah
- beckyblurtsout: im signing up as prayingtowardsbecca
- X TugboatCaptain: werewofl abr mitzvah
- beckyblurtsout: and im going to get more NP than you
- X TugboatCaptain: spooky scary
- X TugboatCaptain: boys becoming men
- X TugboatCaptain: MEN BECOMING WOLVES
- X TugboatCaptain: hahaha
- X TugboatCaptain: good luck bitch
- beckyblurtsout: hahaha
- beckyblurtsout: are there new pets?
- X TugboatCaptain: i thinkkkkk so
- X TugboatCaptain: i got a jub jub and named him FootsiePotato
- beckyblurtsout: im naming my pet caragh's bane
- X TugboatCaptain: HAHAH
- (Note: Caragh only created a Neopets account because she was bored and wanted to play the games. She made the mistake of telling me about this.)
- (via etrangere.tumblr.com)
- Hi, I'm 20.
I received the best/strangest/best compliment of my life. Granted this stranger was shit-faced, but he told me that I reminded him of the nice, comforting things from his childhood and I gave him the same feeling Fraggle Rock did.
I was like, “obviously.”
I just received a voicemail from my boss that was basically a bunch of mumbling. I called her back and she half-cryingly/drunkenly told me I didn’t need to work for her tomorrow morning. Then she told me, you’ve been a great listener. You’ve been a special person, a good friend. Thank you.
So basically I’m pretty sure my boss is commiting suicide tonight.
You came to see a rock show!
A big, gigantic cock show!
Is it any surprise that I am a fan of Peaches?
I just survived my first real hangover in over 2 years. Granted it was minor, but please keep in mind that my job consists of hearing 35 puppies barking in my ear while I occasionally clean up dog shit. WINCE.
Cannot stop laughing at the videos we took. My friends are funny and drunk. Most of the night consisted of singing.
UGHHH. Also, this from the same post:
“Unfortunately, my line of work requires me to aim high. If you can’t stomach that, fine, but consider the long-term effects of bashing me and others who goals are to innovate. Entrepreneurs, artists — our jobs are not easy; they require doing something new”
FUCKING EAT A DICK. Entrepreneur?! NEW? Didn’t this guy fucking create a video hosting site? HOLY SHIT A VIDEO HOSTING SITE MY MIND IS BLOWN. Is this not the same dude who claimed muxtape was innovative and that “About an hour ago, Justin Ouellette solved one of the largest problems of our culture: it is very difficult to discover new music.”
SUCK A DICK. ONE OF OUR LARGEST CULTURAL PROBLEMS IS FINDING NEW MUSIC? SUCK A DICK. Jesus Christ, my fucking grandmother knows how to find new music. Its called “so many other fucking websites, you fucking dick.”
At the time it seemed like a good idea to have my last drink of the night at 7 AM on a Wednesday morning. At the time.
“…WE GOT CAUGHT.” - me in a video I have when a dude walked in on me and Kaileen pumping the keg at 6:45 AM.
“Give me more! Give me a whole ‘nother beer more!” - me no longer caring how sad we must’ve looked to this dude.
So yesterday someone with a Hawaiian IP address searched for “Mike Myers” and viewed the Mike Myers Might Be Gay post I had, 3 separate times.
And then today I saw pictures of Mike Myers on the beach in Hawaii from yesterday.
I hope it was him, but it would also make me feel bad? But mostly I hope it was him.
“CARAGH I keep forgetting to tell you.
*** ******* has an account with my bank and I had to do his transactions the other day. It was all I could do to not start laughing and IT WAS SO AWKWARD.
(For anyone who cares, *** ******* is a kid whose front lawn we and a bunch of our friends forked senior year FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. Just because his lawn was there. And he found out it was us. For anyone who’s not a jackass, “forking” someone’s lawn is comprised of sticking 500 plastic forks upright in their lawn. I swear to God, I’m not some freak who is obsessed with doing things to people’s lawns, but it must seem that way from your limited experience with me.)” - Becca, in a private group post.
I had completely forgotten we did this? It was SO fun. Whenever a car drove by we dropped to the ground and would crawl, still sticking those plastic forks in his lawn…
Like I said, so fun, but whenever I think about the pranks we did that last year or two of high school I can’t get over why we thought we had the right to stick 500 plastic forks in a kid’s lawn? Or saran wrap someone’s car? Or draw giant Z’s on lawns with shaving cream? Or leave granny panties in someone’s mailbox? More than once?
We should’ve focused our time on getting pregnant and binge-drinking, like the rest of our high school.
Driving home from work, Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” comes on the radio. I do what any self-respecting 20-something would do in this position and start to pretend I am in the car with Wayne, Garth and their buddies.
30 seconds later things get a little out of hand, what with the head banging, and the singing, and the not seeing the cars in front of me stopping, and the tires screeching, and the fishtailing on wet asphalt, and the smell of burnt rubber, and the back end of my car in the middle of the road, and the cops angrily beeping at me as they whizz by with their lights that I had not previously noticed flashing accompanied by the sirens I could only faintly hear over the sound of Queen still blasting.
Kids, just remember: Fake head banging is still kind of real head banging.
Regarding the rumors that Mike Myers is a big, ol’ fagatron:
I wonder if it’s true or someone trying to get revenge after seeing The Love Guru.
Just because it’s a Polaroid it doesn’t mean your picture is goddamn art or exquisite or some shit, you hipster fucks.
ROAR, or something.