October 2009
Well a man who obviously had conjunctivitus came into the bank, wiped his runny, bright red eyes with his fingers, and then handed me his check.
Great. Thanks. You’ve just made me racist and sexist. That’s what you’ve done. I now hate black people and men. Good for you. Look at what you’ve done.
Another Foot found in Vancouver →
(link via mykol78)
The SEVENTH foot washed up on the shore? That is insane/amazing/tragic. I can’t wait for this case to be figured out. I NEED to know more about this, all of the details. Serial killers are so intriguing.
1 tag
Someone who reads my blog must be like, at MOST, AT MOST, a three degree connection with Chistopher Meloni, right? That must totally exist?
Because I have an idea for him.
(I want to give ito him because I feel like Meloni is not only the super-star of L&O:SVU, but the secret head writer and secret director of every single episode, except maybe a few in season 8 because he felt a little lost...
“They are not brave, the days when we are twenty-one. They are full of little...”
– Daphne du Maurier (Rebecca)(via bunkercomplex)
Hey, look. I just burst into tears!
Just realized “lust” rearranges into “slut”; am pretty happy about that.
My Mom: What's (your son) going to be for Halloween this year?
My Mom's Kinda Dumb Friend: Yell.
My Mom: What?
My Mom's Kinda Dumb Friend: You know, Yell? From that movie, Yell?
My Mom: Do you mean Scream, Michelle?
(Brought to you by the same woman who once took pain killers while breast-feeding and marveled "The baby is so good! All he does is eat and then sleep, he doesn't cry." "Michelle, you're drugging your son."
"Surprise!" - Uterine Lining.
Let this be a lesson. Listen to my breasts. If they say my period is coming in three days, it’s coming in three days. It doesn’t matter what the calendar is suggesting.
THIS IS WHY YOU ALL READ MY BLOG. FOR THIS HARD-HITTING VIEW ON LIVING LIFE AS A MODERN WOMAN. WHO SPENT 15 MINUTES CRYING TODAY BECAUSE SOMETIMES PEOPLE GET CANCER AND SOMETIMES THOSE PEOPLE ARE CHILDREN.
In case you’re wondering what direction and path my life has taken these past few weeks, tomorrow I’m buying alcohol for a minor who works at the movie theater. In exchange for some Grey Goose, this 19 year old is giving me four free movie tickets.
Net Profit: $30.
And she was like, Tom, do you ever notice the...
“I am the only 21 year old alive who cannot find a dealer.” “You need to ask a black guy in one of your classes.” “That sounds racist.” “It is racist. But it’ll work.” “I can’t be that racist. Maybe… Maybe I’ll ask a white person next to the black person, and if that white person says no, I’ll ask the black person....
More like mari-wantit.
I am the only 21 year old alive that cannot find a weed dealer. WHY? HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS? I’M SUCH A NICE AND RESPONSIBLE POT SMOKER. I GET MY SHIT DONE. I AM RESPONSIBLE. I HOLD A JOB AND 5 CLASSES.
All I want is to giggle!
I basically wear the same clothes overandoverandoverandover again. Things that make me feel like I’m living in a Groundhog Day Society makes me want to kill myself, so I never make my bed, I hate peeing, I never sit through “PREVIOUSLY, on _____” before the shows start, and I never put my clothes away from the dryer. They just sit on my dresser. if I didn’t live with my...
I want to give an award for whoever invented soup and I want to pay an upper-class whore to give a blow job to whoever invented that soup you just put in the microwave and then take out and then put the lid back on and then drink it in your car while putting on mascara on your way to work.
(song via christinefriar)
Aqua - My Oh My
I...
“I am definitely going to take a lot of pictures of the giant, blow-up pumpkin I...”
– What I imagine my neighbor said to himself as I watched him take pictures of his fucking giant, blow-up pumpkin he has set up in his front yard.
He has learned at an early age that awesome...
Me: Who's your favorite red-headed sister?
Liam: You're my only red-headed sister.
Me: That's true. If you had another one, who would be your favorite?
Liam: Whichever one of you had a BB Gun that they would give me.
Try having the person-who-hit-you’s insurance agency call you when you’re super high and try and make you explain the car accident to them.
“Oh, um, hold on. I need to plug in my phone. It’s dying. It’s beeping. *rustle, rustle, rustle.* Ok? Hi? Michael? Hi. Sorry. Ok, Michael, this car, this red car, was driving in front of me — it cut me off. From the...
But I don’t WANT to be social tonight. I want to stay in bed and watch Law and Order: SVU and think about Christopher Meloni’s face. I want to stay in bed and read this really awful Stephen King book I took from the library that I’m forcing myself to read because I haven’t read King since junior high. I want to stay in bed and not attempt to converse with people. Wednesday...
“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin [his...”
– Mike Tyson.
I’m convulsing. I don’t think I’ve loved another like I do Mike Tyson.
caragh.tumblr.com will become whydoihaveablog.tumblr.com in two or three days.
I feel like an idiot for ANNOUNCING this, but there are a few people who read my blog for some reason, so change your bookmarks, etc., etc. (I don’t know what etc. stands for in this case.)
Crazy! A few days ago I ended up hanging out with the cousin of the so-called “Medium-Comedian” I mentioned this past summer. I mean, I’ve hung out with him before, but it was only then that I found out he was her cousin.
COINKY-DINK.
Remember that time I ran out of gas as I pulled into a gas station, only to find that the gas station was closed? And it was raining really hard? And the next closest gas station I walked to didn’t sell gas cans?
In retrospect, that was probably the most assholeish thing that the Universe has ever done to me.
Not to get happy and boring on y’all, but I am so incredibly grateful that tonight was spent with two amazing friends, one of whom I’ve known for 17 (!!!!) of my 21 years, an incredibly scary haunted house, and Hocus Pocus on DVD.
There is bliss in simplicity.
(And nothing is better than paying $10 to screamscreamscream for 10 minutes while zombies with chainsaws attack you. God, I...