Happy New Year, everyone. I hope you stay merry and safe and hopeful. I love .5% of you and I miss .5% of you and the other 99% of you I don’t even know. I don’t know why you read this, but thanks for making Tumblr fun to write in. Thanks for writing nice e-mails and leaving nice comments because this is the dumb Internet and it’s not necessary to take the time out of your day to...
Last day of 2009
And I rip my brand new knee highs for work. Bend over, 2010. I’mma make you my bitch.
In second grade I was a reading partner with some boy who I don’t remember. I wanted to impress him by swearing (duh), but I was also a very good girl who never swore. So on the top of my paper, in front of him, I wrote F. I paused and looked at him. Then I wrote U. I paused once more and looked at him. Finally I wrote N, and he laughed. “I thought you were going to write the...
I just read a comment saying to wait until we’re doing the video to read the comments. Fine! I’ll do it! But let it be known that when I read an insult while stoned, I’m probably going to cry. Don’t make me cry!
So Becca and I, sometime soonish, are going to probably look at and maybe even smoke marijuana and do an Internet Video. I don’t really think many people want to see me in an Internet Video, but that one person on Formspring suggested it and Becca has often tried to get me to participate in one with her, so why the frig not. We’re going to do a question and answer thing, probably, so...
Caragh I want to hang out when I visit the east coast in the spring. Okay? Sure, anonymous human. Nothing sounds better than meeting someone who probably has certain expectations of my personality that will almost definitely not be met when you find out I am okayish at blogging because I suck at talking to people I don’t know well. Also: murder, rape, etc. I’ve been following you for a...
hi. Heyyyyyyyy. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh I know. I’m sorry. I just started following you, and oh my lord. You are the funniest person I have encountered on tumblr. I love you already. You are a genius. Thank you, but I assure you that you will quickly tire of my posts. Ask me anything
Something we didn't have time to think about...
Me: Hey, what was (friend of my uncle's who we haven't seen in 8 - 10 years) doing at our Christmas?
Cousin: I have no idea. Did you notice that he --
Me: Was at our Thanksgiving?
Me: So there was like... no acknowledgment of the situation that I missed?
Cousin: No. I was upstairs smoking a cigarette and then he just walked into the kitchen and sat down with a plate of ham.
Dad: Do you know what the best gift I got this year was? And it wasn't your rice cooker. Have you returned that yet?
Me: Dad, you cook rice ALL THE TIME in the microwave and then it comes out mushy. It's like, half mashed potatoes, half rice. I thought it was thoughtful.
Dad: My favorite gift was the one Liam made me.
Me: So you want me to MAKE you something? What would I make you?
Dad: A card. A card would've been nice.
Me: It would just be a card full of insults, you know.
Dad: I know, that's who you are. It's what I would expect and cherish.
etrangere: Since Caragh mentioned Bridget Jones’...
I’m really angry that no one sat me down and was like, “Caragh, you would really like Funny People.” This and Titanic are the only movies over 2 hours long that I like. I know I shouldn’t let a run time affect how much I like a movie, but it does. I also know Titanic isn’t technically a good movie, but fuck yourself. I was 9 and I was shocked that they showed bush. I...
The Internet is ruining our lives.
Last night, at a Chinese Restaurant (…the second one of the day…) with a few friends: Becca: Katie has a really good memory! Me: Yeah! For days. Becca: FOR YEARS. Me: Yeah, but, like… for specific days. Like August 15th. Becca: Oh, I thought meant like how Molls writes it… Me: Internettttt. Two or so months ago, at a liquor store: Me: Ooh, wait. Bud Light Golden Wheat. I...
on the whole, are things getting better or worse? I wrote a lot of crap about how it has probably all stayed the same… a little worse over there, a little better over here, but… consistent. Then I deleted it when remembered I’ve only been alive for 22 years and I really don’t know much about anything. Unless you mean me and my life specifically, in which case… I...
Ugh, blogs. I wish I could be so over you, whydoihaveablog.tumblr.com. I wish I could quit you. But I can’t. Something about you just keeps leading me back in. You’re like a heroin addiction. You’re like an ex-boyfriend who is addicted to heroin at the same time I’m addicted to heroin and you’re the only person I know who knows where to find good H, so I keep coming...
Movies everyone has seen already
I can’t believe I waited this long to see Up. I feel like there is something wrong with you if don’t at least choke up once during the film. I never cry during movies when I’m watching them with other people, but I had tears in my eyes for this one. I also watched Bridget Jones’ Diary by myself last night. I assumed I hated it for the sole reason being it is Bridget...
Me: Back when we lived in the apartment, so I must've been 3 at the oldest, I remember I plugged in my Care Bear nightlight all by myself. Then I went up to you and Mom --
Dad: And we yelled at you for touching the wire by yourself?
Me: Yeah. And I was SO proud of myself, that I did such an adult thing, and then it all crumbled down.
Dad: Wow. We broke your spirit.
Me: It's probably why I'm in community college.
How the hell do I get things that are bolded to be SHOWN as bold on this theme?
Does your family have a Christmas tradition? What is it? Most years I just hit both grandparent’s house. I guess the tradition on my Mom’s side is to argue about something like religion and ham. i can wiggle my nose. i can also wiggle my ears, at the same time and each on their own. can you do anything interesting with any of your bodily...
The Born Agains vs The Irish Catholics. →
Christmas at my Mom’s side of the family’s house! Here, we encounter new family issues since last Christmas. This year my Mom’s brother and sister have become Born Again Christians. No one noticed me holding a phone up into the air. My aunt, by the way, says I killed our family priest because he baptized me before my parents’ were married.
My Mom just remembered she had an extra present in the closet for my 16 year old brother. Brand new stereo system with speakers for surround sound. Hilarious, right? It’s actually hilarious?
Merry Christmas, INDEED! Listen: MAD glad I am alive, healthy, with a house over my head and a job to go to. I’m still going to complain about this though, because that’s my right as an over privileged, white American woman. The materialistic pull this year was indeed disappointing considering I asked that if I was getting anything at all, to just give me cashmoney for tuition. I...
Me: Adult Swim? Um, you're not an adult and you're not swimming. Change the channel.
Liam: But I'm the tallest kid on my basketball team.
What takes you longer to think up? Your blog entries or the ‘blurb’ at the top or wherever it is you deemed worthy to put it. (I’m not even sure what it is I’m talking about right now.) I don’t really think up my blog entries? I mean, I do, obviously… But it’s not… I mean, I don’t sit at the computer, open up Tumblr and then...
I found this really great new dating website, you guys! I mean, sure you have to find out the person’s phone number, e-mail address and mailing address yourself, but I think they did that so they can make sure you REALLY want it, you know?
I'm going to build a snowman today.
Hooray for everything!
why do you have a blog? just kidding, WHY WOULDN’T YOU HAVE A BLOG? just kidding, there is no reason. wanna smoke with me? I want to smoke with everyone. Except the Interventionists on Intervention because then that would mean they are living a lie. :( how many tumblr followers do you have? A bit over 900. Ask me anything
All of those guys from Half-Baked went on to pretty good careers. Sure, I’m only 75% sure Jim Breuer is still alive and only 35% sure that’s how you spell his last name, but he’s had his day in the sun. Harland Williams is probably the best person alive right now, though.
why did you change your theme? and why doesn’t it have comments? if i can’t awkwardly comment on your posts without reply, i just don’t know how to “interact” with you anymore Ugh, I didn’t bother putting comments up because I’m changing it very soon. Probably tonight. I’m dumb about replying to comments. Sorry about that. I...
What’s with the christmas cheer? Not yours, just in general Despite all odds, I have a shitload of Christmas cheer preceding Christmas. I normally hate overly cheerful people and spending my money, but tack on some unnecessary lights all over your house, stick a TREE, A GODDAMNED TREE OF ALL THINGS, in the middle of your living room and I become a very peaceful, happy person. I think that...
How utterly awful, demoralizing, inhumane and just all around BLERGGAGAH are make-out dreams involving someone you would never, ever, ever want to press your face against? I need to call the FCC on my subconscious. Rated R for RWhat The Fuck Are You Thinking That For?
My friend brought back a quarter of marijuana for me from Salem. It was way more than I’m used to spending. Like, double more. At a time in my life when I really can’t afford to pay double-more for anything. She tells me it’s “really good shit” and I believe her, because I think she has been smoking weed since we were in seventh grade. She smokes more weed in a week...
PMSuperlatives for the month of December:
Best Cry: Probably when I cried three times during the episode of Kendra when she has her baby. Best Argument: When I told my entire family they were disgusting at top volume after my sister, who has strep throat, accidentally sprayed spit all over me and my brother dropped a piece of cheese onto his boxers and still put it in the calzone he was making. Best Period Boobs: Yesterday. Best Moment...
The ability to see what is in one’s best interest in humans is not fully developed until one is around 25 years of age, how does this make you feel? Hopeful. Very hopeful. It also makes me feel a little embarrassed that I’ve even been trying. Ask me anything