I wish MIchael Jackson wrote a song about how disgusting pubic hair is. Not as like, a pedophilia joke, but as a truth song. Because it is so disgusting. Think of the most disgusting thing in the world and then give it pubic hair. This is what I do instead of homework. (Ughghg, homework with pubic hair :( )
File Under: Damnnnnnnnnnn, Maya Angelou.
Maya Angelou - Still I Rise You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt But still, like dust, I’ll rise. Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom? ‘Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells Pumping in my living room. Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still...
Death is terrifying, you guys! What the fuck! What a fucking awful thing to put someone through! The knowledge that someday we die! And we don’t know when! What the fuck! I don’t deserve this! I don’t deserve any of this! I am so angry right now.
I’m wearing khakis with my period because I am a REBEL. I DISREGARD what society says about light colored clothing and menstrual cycles. I rise ABOVE the red tide. I… haven’t done laundry in nearly 3 weeks and it’s the only pair of pants that are clean. PRAY 4 ME 2NITE.
Chris Brown’s new single is titled “I Can Transform Ya”, which is true because he once made Rihanna the most depressing Transformer ever; a woman who can turn into a battered woman.
Had a dream I was waiting forever at an intersection to take a left. Right before I was about to gun it, there was a huge car accident. There was a couple in each car and all 4 people got out to walk around and inspect the damage. I was watching and noticed a car that wasn’t paying attention, heading down the road at 50 MPH. I knew he was going to hit one of the men and I didn’t know...
A long post.
That was the best neighborhood a kid could ask for growing up. You don’t get neighborhoods like that anymore. Christ, you don’t even get neighborhoods. You have streets and you have neighbors, but nothing that acts like the community this area was. Right across the street of my house is the huge field and the water towers. I remember my father hitting golf balls towards it. Every...
"Remember we used take the pony for Pony Walks...
I forgot I basically had a pony growing up. And how we would take him on walks, instead of rides. And how one day we went down a steep hill and tipped the wagon our uncle built. I sincerely wonder if something crazy-tragic happened to child Caragh. Why else am I blocking things like my cousin hitting me in the head with a lead pipe, having a pony at my grandmother’s house, and covering my...
So after a month after we find the puppy tossed on the side of a very main road a town over and about three weeks after she was run over by a car in front of my house, the puppy ingested 6 cooked chicken bones when she got into the trash last week. Nothing will kill her. I am fairly certain I could keep her alive and healthy if I kept her on a diet of antifreeze and chocolate. My car, on the...
Full-throttle, cunt-numbing, scary dolphin bullshit.– Cunt-numbing! Oh, god, Penn Jillette. You speak to my heart. It almost makes me sad that I can’t look at your face for longer than 30 second stretches.
I can’t believe I have to sit through another 7 and a half hour bio class tomorrow. This is tolerable, but have I mentioned that my lab partner is a fat Chris Brown that says things a retard Chris Brown would say? That is the worst part of it all.
Over the past 4 days I’ve knocked three bottles of pills into the toilet while reaching for my soap. I am really disappointed when an insect bothers me when I’m outside because I can’t kill it in good conscience. “I am in your world now.”
Why you gotta be angry all your life, Penn Jillet? Dolphins and nostalgia are fine. You don’t need to tackle them in your television show. <3 Penn & Teller, but it’s time to move on when you’re just attacking sea mammals.
Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are going to be blowing up a fake plane five minutes away from my house. And I’m not there. That is so sad. Why can’t they just let me watch? I am but one person. I deserve to see Tom Cruise in that corn field. Suri Cruise is here. That makes me more sad. Why won’t Tom Cruise let me babysit Suri? And then why can’t he marry me? And then why...
I don't do well in the woods at night.
Me: What was that? Something just fell. That is so disgusting.
Dan: How is that disgusting? You're so frustrating. How is something falling disgusting?
Me: I just hate it when nature does stuff while I'm near it.
I’m not even trying to lose weight for a girl, that’s the sad part....– I have some funny friends. WHO KNEW.
Remember that time when we took each others names for our Confirmation names– Katie. Katie and I had more fun at CCD-related events than anyone I’ve ever met. This is not because CCD was a fun place. Generally speaking, places where they are meant to tell you masturbation will send you to hell and then they hand out pins in the shapes of baby feet in attempts to...
I don’t even care. Miley 4-evs. PARTY IN THE USA, YOU GUYS. All of it. The whole USA.
The thing I am most angry about is the fact that the asshole who gave me a brake job GOT AWAY and I apparently got their license number wrong. It is infuriating that these people will not be punished. My only solace is that I tapped them the first time they gave me a break job (YES, FIRST) and I am almost positive I hit them the second time when I got slammed by the other car. It is INFURIATING...
I was a little sad about giving Becca permission to post that conversation online, but… I deserve it. So much. I did the crime and now I must do the time.
I DON'T KEEP SECRETS
beckyblurtsout: caragh, it's okay
beckyblurtsout: i was recently forced to watch twilight
beckyblurtsout: and i thought that dude was hot too
beckyblurtsout: way hotter than edward cullen
xtugboatcaptain: edward cullen looks too much like a dead person
xtugboatcaptain: i wonder if i should watch twlight
beckyblurtsout: he looks like a douchebag
xtugboatcaptain: or maybe wait for the new one
beckyblurtsout: it's so bad
beckyblurtsout: it's SO bad
beckyblurtsout: SOOOOO BAAAADDD
xtugboatcaptain: i bet he's more attractive in the new one. the 17 year old.
beckyblurtsout: if you're stoned
beckyblurtsout: it'll probably be good-bad
xtugboatcaptain: want me to tell you something i've never told anyone?
xtugboatcaptain: in my entire life?
xtugboatcaptain: at the height of the book series, before it was a movie
xtugboatcaptain: i... knew they were awful, you know?
xtugboatcaptain: and written for preteens
xtugboatcaptain: but hearing katie talk about it...
beckyblurtsout: but you read them?
xtugboatcaptain: so i downloaded them.
xtugboatcaptain: and i tired reading it but it was so, so awful.
beckyblurtsout: my friend sam read them all
beckyblurtsout: she loves them
xtugboatcaptain: and then i was stoned and bored one afternoon
xtugboatcaptain: and i started to read it again
xtugboatcaptain: and over the course of the next week all i did was get stoned and read the entire series
xtugboatcaptain: because for some reason i was like, CURIOUS about how it all ended
xtugboatcaptain: but i could only tolerate it when i was stoned?
xtugboatcaptain: and i've since lied to everyone who has ever asked me if i read the books.
I was just texting a friend “I have three free passes to the Ghost Lantern tour in Plymouth. wanna come?” I got interupted halfway through writing the text and when I looked back at the screen to resume, I saw that I had written “I have three free passes to the internet”
When I logged into my e-mail I had an e-mail from Myspace. Holy crap, I never deleted my Myspace? I have a friend request from Myspace? When’s the last time someone even friended me on Myspace? I have a friend request from a 17 year old boy who lives near me and I don’t recognize him at all? We have no mutual Myspace friends? Is this a product of Chris Hanson? Is Dateline NBC...
Hi, my name is Caragh. I am 21 years old, in the so-called prime of my youth, and tomorrow I am probably going to buy under-eye moisturizer that has some type of anti-wrinkling agent. You can’t have me possess both acne and eye-wrinkles, Universe. You can’t just do that to someone. Let one go and I will gladly accept the other. I will fight this wrinkle battle and I will win. You drew first...
I’m a bitch, I’m a lover I’m a...
Just realized I won’t even have my OT Master’s degree until I’m 27. At the earliest. And let’s be honest, I’m probably going to want to take a “semester”* off to “find myself”** before I graduate and set out for the “real world”*** You know, this will be the most embarrassing thing I’ll ever admit on my blog, which is saying...
My neighbors must hate me. They must see me as such a pox on this neighborhood that they have such good old-person memories about. I guess the upside to freaking out at full volume outside of your car twice in one week is that it will probably never happen again. I will probably never again, twice in one week, declare “BECAUSE THIS WORLD IS BULLSHIT MOM, THAT’S WHY” re: my car...
Every job has its ups and downs.– THE ELEVATOR OPERATER FROM MAD MEN. Best Joke 2k9.
YO I GOTTA STOP GETTING WEIRD AND EMOTIONAL IN MY BLOG BECAUSE THEN LATER ON WHEN I GET HIGH I GET REALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT SHIT I WRITE AND THEN GO BACK AND DELETE IT.
The biggest reason to believe God is a myth is because I suffer from acne and I can detect the beginnings of crow’s feet when I do Clint Eastwood eyes. I refuse to believe anything is so cruel as to give a 21 year old ailments that usually only affect teenagers or old people.