December 2010
November 2010
One of the kids in my observation classroom is allergic to peanuts, which means I have to remember to not eat anything with peanuts in it when I go home for lunch, which means I have wanted a peanut butter sandwich every Tuesday and Thursday for the past month.
Just looked through my drunk texts, which I...
“Fuck you I am not anyone’s second in command. Number one bitch. Don’t text me for a week straight.”
Welp.
Let's do this while I'm waiting for a Dexter... →
It’s a very special, private time when a girl lets you inside her tumblr message box, so have at it and be respectful.
kevinbabbles asked: In order to keep your hormones in check, I feel it necessary to share that the best quote ever about The Giving Tree came from Ryan Gosling himself:
"That book is so fucked up; that story’s the worst. I mean, at the end the tree is a stump and the old guy just sitting on him; he’s just used him to death, and you’re supposed to want to be the tree? Fuck you....
"That book is so fucked up; that story’s the worst. I mean, at the end the tree is a stump and the old guy just sitting on him; he’s just used him to death, and you’re supposed to want to be the tree? Fuck you....
weakmeatstrongeat asked: Hi. This is weird.
Last night, I had a dream about you. You were sitting at your bathroom sink making a video of yourself for your blog. I can't remember what you were saying, but I think it was just a mundane story about your day. The real joke was that you had plugged up the sink and had the water running so it was slowly filling up until it was overflowing all over the...
Last night, I had a dream about you. You were sitting at your bathroom sink making a video of yourself for your blog. I can't remember what you were saying, but I think it was just a mundane story about your day. The real joke was that you had plugged up the sink and had the water running so it was slowly filling up until it was overflowing all over the...
Last night I got really drunk and met a dachshund whose paws were crushed in utero and so the bones never really grew right, her front paws just flippity-flop all over the place, like a little seal, like the saddest, most heartbreaking little seal. Her name was Love.
I fell asleep on the couch with the dachshund on top of me, so obviously that was awesomely endearing and adorable for my heart to...
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Listen
I’m watching Louis Theroux’s documentary on America’s overmedicated youth and it has focused on this one young boy so far who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, ADD, ADHD, Aspberger’s and probably something else.
Anyway, the point is, when the mother was asked what led to the sequence of events to get him diagnosed with bipolar disorder, she told Louis it was...
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It’s not Thanksgiving around here until my aunt makes another joke about her heroin addiction.
Happy Thanksgiving, guys. I’m thankful for all of the Kardashians, my friends, my family, all of the idiots who are reading these words right now about how they are idiots for making blogging more fun than it should be and for how my grandmother still cuts my turkey off of the rotting,...
Last night as I was drifting off to sleep, my head on the pillow, one thought popped up: I wonder if blankets would be more comfortable if they were dead?
I roused a little, just a tad, only to think, I hope I remember that in the morning. I hope I remember thinking blankets are less comfortable dead when they’re alive.
Okay, Cara.
Project partner: I like your rationale.
Me: Oh, yeah? Oh, thanks. I mean, yeah? I guess? Mm.
Project partner: (begins reading the paragraph I wrote under the 'rationale' section of the project)
Me, just now realizing he wasn't complimenting me on my General, Unspoken Rationale: Oh, Yeah. It's because I'm good at words.
Project partner: (silence)
I have no shirt on underneath my sweatshirt.
I have no underwear on underneath my jeans.
I have no socks on underneath my shoes.
I have really called in getting dressed this morning. 4 hour and 15 minutes until Drunksville.
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4 hours and 45 minutes
Stand in the way of me being drunk for the next 36 hours straight.
Come on, lady. You can do it.
I've gotten 5 hours of sleep in 54 hours. This...
“I’m so tired lately that today I wanted to ask someone what their occupation was prior to retirement and I said out loud, in front of a room of people, ‘what’d they did?’ WHAT’D THEY DID.” “You’ve been listening to far too much Li’l Wayne. So what’d you do after that?” “I shot fake finger guns in the air and said...
“Soon, I was embraced by the natives. The wild landscape became my mistress. The...”
– Kenny Powers, on Mexico.
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Recent past.
Y’all ever been to a party where you watched a ferret get drunk?
preguntashermosas-deactivated20 asked: You have a beautiful soul. I hope you know that. And if you respond with your usual self-deprecating cynicism imna cut you. <3
3 Words.
I took the MTEL today. It was relatively easy. I couldn’t remember what a modifier was, which made me feel stupid when I looked it up later. I believe I screwed up an effect/affect question which made me feel just as stupid, but it’s one of those Things that has tortured me through out my entire academic career, like whom/who and lay/lie.
I arrived at the testing site and, as I...
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“Spaghetti bitch.”
– Well, good news, guys! My 2 year old nephew is getting real creative with words. Real proud of this little guy.
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In related news, I'm now on a week break from...
“That show is my jammmmm.” “Your jam? How can a show be a jam?” “Shut up. It’s a, it’s a metaphor.” “A metaphor? That’s not a metaphor at all.” “Just, whatever. Fuck you, I was being… ironic.” “Ironic. Ironic. Do you know what any words mean?” “That time was a joke! THAT TIME WAS A JOKE!”
Anonymous asked: Did you recently lose a lot of weight?
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Carl Tanzler - Wikipedia →
One evening in April, 1933, Tanzler crept through the cemetery where Hoyos was buried and removed her body from the mausoleum, carting it through the cemetery after dark on a toy wagon, and transporting it to his home. He reportedly said that Elena’s spirit would come to him when he would sit by her grave and serenade her corpse with a favorite Spanish song. He also said that she would...
The great thing about having an existential crisis in the middle of doing your make up in the mirror is that you get to see what your face looks like when you realize that the meaning of life will not, and cannot, be found in anything you are working towards and, ultimately, you have wasted 22 years being afraid of everything.
It kind of looks like you have heart burn.
Dexter Episode 508: "Take It"
tvschool:
By Cara Lorraine
In an effort to stake out Cole in his natural habitat – that habitat being at the side of self-help guru Jordan Chase - Dexter finds himself at - where else? - a self-help seminar. This week’s episode opens with black-and-white stock footage of wild predators feasting upon their prey to the sounds of Jordan giving what I guess is supposed to be an awe-inspiring,...
“A man said to the universe:
“Sir I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,...”
– Stephen Crane (via tesslynch)
I have a theory that within the world of social stoners, and I mean the entire population of Earth who smokes weed relatively often with one or more people, there are only 500 lighters in constant rotation between the 2 billion of us.
I started off November with a coffee mug full of accidentally inherited lighters, and now there is not a one to be found.
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