November 2011
I take back everything I said about the Diva Cup
Just go get one, especially if you have a heavy flow (sorry for saying heavy flow). For the first time of my menstruating life, I didn’t wake up on day 2 of my period and need to change my sheets (sorry for saying menstruating life). Panties will stay unstained from here until the rest of my life (sorry for saying panties).
In the interest of full disclosure, because a lot of you guys...
2 tags
someonewithinternet-deactivated asked: I'm 16 Caragh, quit trying to booty call me. I'm going to call the cops, I swear to god.
Teachin' toddlers
Me: Lizards are like T-Rex's cousins.
Matty: No they aren't.
Me: I swear to God. Go ask your Mama.
Matty: Mama, are lizards T-Rex the Dinosaur's cousin?
His Mama: Yeah.
Matty: WHAT. NO. WHAT. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
Why, when I was at Panera Bread tonight trying to read a book, was there a man talking loudly at his cell phone about how he was recently inducted into his school’s Hall of Fame and that it was the best night of his life?
How does one not realize that Panera Bread is only for sad, quiet people who need to do homework while eating unnecessary Mac and Cheese?
Jerome, if I can’t make you live in words, if you are only the dim evocation of a face under a fringe of hair, and the others too, Alice and Christian and Roderigo, if you are names without a nature, it’s not because I don’t remember, no, the opposite is true, you are remembered in me as an endless stirring and turning. But it’s for this precisely that you must forgive...
Want to win $50?
If you are a smart person, you said “yes, Caragh, I do want to win $50.”
There is a website called nomorerack.com which offers thing on sale. They also offer things for free if you get enough friends to sign up with your referral link.
If 500 friends sign up, you get an iPad 2
If 700 friends sign up, you get a TV.
If 1250 friends sign up, you get an even better TV that will make...
Forgotten conversations
8 year old brother: Why do you do that?
Me, reapplying my make up in the car: I don't know. To cover my acne, I guess.
8 year old brother: Well, it doesn't work.
Me: Yeah. You're right. It just makes it SEEM like I'm covering my acne, though, which is good enough, I guess.
Nothing pains me more than not having the guts to comment on the engagement photos of unsuspecting women who are about to marry the most closeted gayest gay dude who ever did gay stuff with another gay dude.
Penis and balls stuff.
Every year there is some mysterious rogue human being sitting at my grandmother’s Thanksgiving dinner, and every year I side-eye them, trying to figure out if I’m related, until our inevitable introduction that confirms that I am not.
Today I saw a 3 year old in a pretty dress sitting by herself in the living room. I stopped in my tracks and stared at her. Who is this child? Is this...
I had a dream that an attractive man was giving me the eye while I sat on a park bench. He came over and touched my knee.
Then he took a razor out of his man purse, handed it to me, and left without a word.
This dream brought to you by: Caragh hasn’t shaved her legs in (number she doesn’t remember) (unit of time she’s not willing to admit).
serenaisblank asked: I can't imagine how the diva cup would make periods less gross, can you explain? I just imagine when you pull it out, you get the red sea all over your bathroom and probably clothes.
“I like to spend time alone. I think it’s a lot of fun. I tend to fixate on...”
– Wipe Your Feet: Make a Party
I will never get over Tess Lynch’s writing. I love her for putting her thoughts out there, because I never, ever read something so relatable as her pieces.
suburbination asked: Not a question, but. The kind of employer you want and who will value you will not see you as a 'stoner' but as a very intelligent, extremely funny and clearly responsible person who happens to smoke weed in her spare time. Smart people might even think that's a plus. Just sayin'. Also, there are plenty of these kinds of enlightened employers around, so stop worrying ;)
1 tag
Hi, my name is Caragh. I’m a 23 year old grown woman and my hobbies include and are nearly limited to standing in my kitchen, in a towel, with the refrigerator door open at 3:52 in the morning, stoned, throwing slices of cheese on my dog’s back and laughing at her try to eat them off.
Hire me.
Anonymous asked: Sometimes I read your blog and think "That is exactly how I feel", not even slightly different, just the absolute same. Do you think everyone is that anxiety-ridden and they just hide it better? Can we help ourselves out by just believing that?
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo?
Hi. I saw the preview before Paranormal Activity 3. I had no idea what it was about, but it almost gave me a panic attack because loud noises do that when I’m stoned.
Also I almost had an anxiety attack because of The Devil Inside trailor. Bible, no lie, I had to cover my eyes like a child. It was too much. All of a sudden I realized that there was a 60 pound weight in my chest area and...
Perfume?
I want a nice, high end perfume — but I don’t know anything about expensive perfumes.
I don’t like smelling overly flowery, and don’t even come at me with some citrus shit. I think I would like something deep, but subtle. Like my beautiful mind. Just kidding.
So, nothing strong, and nothing that smells like a flower’s butt hole.
(Sorry for saying butthole)
Any...
creeperstatus asked: Telekinesis or Flight?
Anonymous asked: what do you do when you feel absolutely shitty about yourself?
eyemahleigh asked: How do you feel about the situation in Iran right now? LOL just kidding, what's your favourite Childish Gambino song?
3knuxdeep-deactivated20120103 asked: What kind of bees make milk?
someonewithinternet-deactivated asked: Do you have any horribly embarrassing middle/high school experiences that stick out in your memory? Like, once in middle school, I got hit in the eye with a dodge-ball and had to wear an eye patch for two weeks to school. Not like, gauze and tape, but a real eye patch. People made pirate jokes until I cried. Do you have any memories like that?
thesmileoctopus asked: Hi, my name is Kelley, and I'm also a 23-year-old who is a recovering Sims addict. I have to agree with you on the "has to stop" thing... My question, however, is what the hell are 23-year-olds supposed to do if not live-blog our antisocial activities and make digital mock-ups of humans interact so we don't have to?
commentable asked: why do some vegetarians say, "I'm vegetarian, but I eat fish,". . . . explain please.
ryanmcawesome asked: FMK - Childish Gambino, Donald Glover, Troy Barnes.
Anonymous asked: HIII. why dont you drink some wine with that bowl? then get your narcissism on? that's what i'm doing.