April 2011
Update about my positively amazing ‘93 Ford Tonto:
Okay, the AC and Heat DO work. The vents don’t. Except when I hit the vent/panel button over and over again last night with my palm and the vents turned on. Anger gets you everywhere.
Front passenger door doesn’t open from the outside. Rear passenger door doesn’t open from the inside or outside. Which means it’s not...
March 2011
writinginbed asked: I feel that when I take a couple of hours to read someone's blog as far back as it goes, you really see huge changes in that person's life.
Do you feel that keeping a blog has been a huge part of tracking your growth as a person? If so, what have you seen change? If nothing has changed, well, you've maintained a steady level of humble coolness (if that makes sense).
Do you feel that keeping a blog has been a huge part of tracking your growth as a person? If so, what have you seen change? If nothing has changed, well, you've maintained a steady level of humble coolness (if that makes sense).
“Was that weird? It felt weird. I don’t know if it was weird. I’m...”
– What kind of person freaks out over giving a compliment? The same kind of person who is so sad she can’t wear bows because she feels like it’s a lie to society.
I’m a mess.
mowh asked: Here's the deal: I don't want you to hate me but I also think that you should know that I will be seeing Donald Glover/Childish Gambino - in the fleshhhhh - FOR FREE in the middle of April. When I track him down and force him to have sex (or become best friends) with me, is there anything you would like me to tell him?
My Life Coach
Me, after asking about her grandparents car again: I can't drive this car. I can't.
Jess: You can test drive this one Saturday and you don't have to buy it then, you can think it over.
Me: You're right. You're right. Oh, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this: the car has no heat, no ac, my window doesn't work, and the automatic locks don't work, butttt it came with a roach in the ashtray that had enough weed for almost a full bowl.
Jess: No way!
Me: I've been joking that it looks like a drug dealer's car all along, too! The bumper is 40% duct tape! THE BUMPER IS 40% SPRAY PAINTED DUCT TAPE! If I drive it in Brockton I will get pulled over!
Jess: No, I get it. It's hard to turn down free, but everyone has their limit.
My nap turned into a 5 hour sleep after I woke up around 2, but since I don’t have a damned place to be on Wednesdays until noon, I tried to catch a few more ZzZs between 7 and 10. What resulted was the weirdest few dreams I’ve had in awhile, as I smoked pot nearly every night from like… 2008 until two months ago. I used to have crazy dreams and occasional vivid nightmares and...
3 tags
Please and thank you.
Heard a guy use his pleases and thank yous in the most sincere way today and I realized that being polite is the hottest thing a man can do.
So on the list of Things That Are Attractive: Manners, you are more attractive than well-kept beards without patches, black dudes, quarter Asians and nice fitting jeans, but you are still not more attractive than square jaws or business suits!
“You have to self-reflect. If you forget who you actually are, then what’s...”
– Lil Wayne - Page 3 - Interview Magazine
One of my favorite parts about mainstream hip-hop (the little I know of it) is the dedication to taking the “I’m the fucking best” mentality of thought to the absolute extreme.
Aside from the fact that this interview is sucking amateur...
I’ve never been in love, but I sure do know what it feels like to finally lie in bed in between the mattress and comforter after a long day and not even be able to sleep because of how happy I am to be in bed again. Both of those feelings aren’t real because feelings are only brain chemicals and hormones!!
mynameisboburnham:
I remember when Chris Brown was a piece of shit who beats women. I remember it vividly because it’s actually right now.
Bo Burnham is on tumblr just to remind us that being in our early 20s isn’t an excuse for not being successful at whatever we want to do and also to provide laughs and truths.
icarntspell asked: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lipyekUz3B1qawgyho1_500.gif
This is also important.
This is also important.
A tour group just walked by me on the computer
Yes. Come to Bridgewater State University, where every evening in the library is an evening spent looking at a GIF of Bruce Springsteen’s 1980 butt!
2 tags
My bird just bit my domestically abusive dog in...
My bird just bit my domestically abusive dog in the face!
1 tag
Well, that's the end of that experiment. Sarcastic...
Me: That's a good picture of you and your girlfriend.
Matt: Shut up.
Me: No, really. I'm trying to be more sincere and nice to people.
Matt: I know, and it's weird coming from you. Stop it.
Still half asleep, reading up on my news like an informed person. Started to read an article that boasted a headline stating that Japan was taking revenge on tsunamis. I know it’s a smart country, but I thought that was a bit overzealous of them to claim they could seek revenge on a force of nature.
Reading into it the article was, of course, actually about the tsunami ravaging Japan.
Here are some real things I've had anxiety over in...
I got in a crazy-bitch bat-screech mode and saw that I had butt-dialed someone in the midst of said ear-piercing bitch screeches and thought it was my work, but it turns out it was my sister’s work. I don’t care what they heard because her employer is Burger King and I don’t even think they rule any actual provinces except for maybe Friesalot.
I thought my new boss found my...
Anonymous asked: What was the name of that website where it splits doing work for 15 min and then free time for 15 min? I put off all my spring break homework and will be in desperate need of this tomorrow.
The other day I reached a whole new level of hungover. It wasn’t like it was a worse level, it was just a new level. I usually just vomit and get it over with, but not that day. On that day I couldn’t move and literally convinced myself that my alarm clock was soothing. Like a robot mother trying to sing me back asleep.
All because I couldn’t bear the thought of making use of my...
“Let’s go to Wal Mart and try not to buy anything.”
15 minutes later we walked out with silly string, an air horn, toy guitars, toy flutes, bubbles and a package of 36 assorted noise makers.
Practicing our Relaxed Face/Angry Yelling Combo
Kaileen: WHERE IS WALDO STREET?
Me: Oh, that was good. WHERE IS -- wait. WHERE IS WALDO STREET?
Kaileen: Your eyebrow furrowed a little bit. Relax your brow. WHERE IS WALDO STREET?
Me: Too much mouth movement! WHERE IS WALDO STREET?
Kaileen: That was good! That was the best one yet!
Me: This is... What the fuck is wrong with us? I mean, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH US?
I don’t hear you guys talking shit about soup, which is fucking criminal. Soup is so good. Soup is the new sandwich. BRB, googling “sandwich soup”.
winnr asked: http://chrishaley.tumblr.com/post/4059397717/serpentfeathers-paying-homage-to-my-favorite
Before I forget, let it be known that when I was drunk, emotional and near tears in a McDonald’s booth, Kaileen gave me the best advice I’ve ever gotten in the fucking worst setting of my emotional life.
You can’t expect people to live up to your expectations. They’re your expectations. That’s not fair to you or them, and you’ll only be disappointed in the...
I talked about the Internet a lot tonight and got drunk and got pushed at a “doom metal” concert and shouted “THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AT A JENNY LEWIS SHOW, NEVER.”
Turns out I am the best at making men walk away from me, as evidenced by my friend leaving me alone, a man approaching me, and me immediately saying, “I don’t like metal or hockey, but my...
Slipping into a giant void real quick
christopherlindstrom:
It’s 4:16 AM and I’m pretty fucked up. Dro and Landshark. It sucks how good Landshark is considering it’s by Jimmy Buffet and that’s super lame. I ain’t in a Tiki house so get your name off my beverage. I’m leafing through ‘The Tempest’ because I’m scholarly as fuck and Shakespeare is melting my mind right.
1. The end: We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our...
I haven’t doubted Dorothy Parker to be my main bitch since I discovered her.
A single flow’r he sent me, since we met. All tenderly his messenger he chose; Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet— One perfect rose.
I knew the language of the floweret; “My fragile leaves,” it said, “his heart enclose.” Love long has taken for his amulet One...
etrangere:
Sisters are good for making fart noises until they become hilarious and you both can’t stop laughing and making more fart noises.
Love Becca and her sisters almost as much as I love Hannah and Her Sisters.
2 tags
I woke up this morning wishing that my grandmothers had the courtesy to die when I was 3 because I can’t even handle the thought of them dying now.
Last year I turned to my sister and said, “it sucks that Dad was 1 of 10 kids and Mom was 1 of 9, because when we’re 60 we’re going to have to attend like 5 funerals a year for our aunts and uncles.”
3 tags
Honest to god, something I've never told anyone.
This is the biggest secret I have. I am about to tell you the biggest secret I have. It is embarrassing. It makes me feel shame.
Sometimes I want to be a stay at home mom with a husband with a 9 - 5 job. Two kids, a well-behaved dog, and I wear pearls all of the time. I cook meals every night and the only time my kids have sugar is for their nightly desserts.
I feel so dirty writing this. :(
1 tag
In my previous post, I wrote the words ”On it’s death bed” and “had it’s benefits.”
First of all, I can’t believe no one corrected my grammar. The Internet is usually really good at correcting your grammar.
But second of all, I fucking hate it’s/its. It’s is for ownership (sort ofish? right? Like “that is it’s toy. The toy OF...
1 tag
I will not cry because my resolution was to be...
My car is dying.
This isn’t a surprise, because it is a ‘97 Mercury Sable with over 190,000 miles on it. On it’s death bed for the better part of 4 months now, it has been leaking transmission fluid and coolant almost constantly. I never got it fixed because money grows on trees, but like… you have to do a lot of shit to it first. I just filled up the appropriate...
I possess, for sure, the lowest levels of self-esteem you have ever seen percolate throughout a human being’s body. It’s gradually getting better. Lately when I look in the mirror, I do whatever task has required me to gaze upon myself, do a once over, say “oh, gross,” and then leave immediately. That is progress. It might not seem like progress, but it so totally is when...
The Social Network
I’m just now far enough removed from the whole very positive Attractive, Rich Assholes in Business Suits aspect of the movie to realize what parts of the movie were awful.
Specifically, all I want to talk about is “he’s plugged in!” I don’t know about “programming” or “coding” or whatever it is people do. Sometimes I google “html make...
