There were maybe five families trashier than mine growing up and one of them had a little girl who had to cut her hair because she didn’t brush it for a year and then, later, had to get rabies shots because she pet a raccoon.

I think about that a lot when I’m stressed out for some reason. It’s been on my mind all day.

FYI my doctor said I have a very small uterus and spoke to my cervix, TO my cervix, “it’s just a little guy we have to help out” and then her numbing needle slipped (“it’s a very long needle and it kind of just floated away from me”) and I’m just not going to talk about that part at all.

Dear 10 year old Caragh,

Someday you will work for your favorite Internet company in a city you thought you might love even before you visited, have a boss that let’s you come in late as long as you’re staying late and getting your work done on time and also on one day in particular your lunch will consist of a Dairy Queen blizzard that you eat via french fries.

Some days you will cry as much as you sweat in the subways, and that is also important to remember, though not the thing you should focus on.

Yours,

Upper lower 20s year old Caragh.