I don’t often (any more) get violent day dreams, but I’m three hours into a 4.5 hour bus ride back to New York and the guy right behind me has been on the phone the entire FUCKING time.

Fucking autocorrects to FUCKING on my phone. Huh.

As soon as someone manages to hang up and stop his inane dribble of words, he calls up someone else. He tells them the same things he told the other people.

He is one of those people who says a thing, and then says it again with different words.

Real life examples I have gleamed during the moments I take out my headphones to bask in my anger (there is something so NECESSARY about basking in righteous anger):

"It’s bumper to bumper traffic. We’re at a standstill."

"We are on an overpass. We’re going over other roads."

"They were there for three days. 72 hours."

"No one really complimented him. No one said ‘oh, Dylan, those are nice pants.’ ‘Oh, Dylan, your hair looks nice."

'He's on a new fad diet where he only drinks 350 calories a day and walla everywhere. He's starving himself.”

"They were in closed quarters. They wer cramped."

"The stir fry was awesome. It added a lot to my soft taco. It was good."

He is still on the phone. The last two were from right now.

I’m going to murder him. I’m going to knife him.

I’m going to rip out his intestines. I’m going to disembowel him

I’m going to scalp him. I’m going to take his head skin off.

Holy shit. He’s never going to stop.

Live blogging my nervous breakdown.

I’m sure that some day I will laugh about the time my boyfriend accidentally walked in on me in the bathroom while I was both peeing and crying, a moment that rendered us silent and still for a good two seconds (this is a long time when you are both peeing and crying) but right now I’m just going to sit here and replay how his face looked and how my face felt like it looked over and over in my mind until it wears out like an old VHS tape.

We can’t find the kitten and now my boyfriend has to deal with what anxiety does to me.
(I’m not “allowed” to be “in charge” of the candles or being the last one out of the apartment when we leave together because of how many times I’ve had to go back to double check the place wasn’t burning down, or unlocked, or both. In the interest of full disclosure, our apartment locks behind us as soon as we shut the door and I’ve never in my life seen a half-used, contained candle ever catch anything on fire.)

We can’t find the kitten and now my boyfriend has to deal with what anxiety does to me.

(I’m not “allowed” to be “in charge” of the candles or being the last one out of the apartment when we leave together because of how many times I’ve had to go back to double check the place wasn’t burning down, or unlocked, or both. In the interest of full disclosure, our apartment locks behind us as soon as we shut the door and I’ve never in my life seen a half-used, contained candle ever catch anything on fire.)

The good news:

  1. Max the 4/5 month old kitten did not have AIDS or Leukemia, and now he’s home with us.
  2. I now live with two cats. I am a fish tank and one lop eared rabbit away from filling the dog-shaped void in my heart. Think of it as like, when you’re hungry, and you should really eat some chicken breast and spinach, but instead you eat Cheeze Its. The hunger is gone, but replaced with products that will not fulfill you as your body needs and deserves to be filled.

The Questions for the internet:

  1. We’re keeping the cats in separate rooms with the door shut for one week, then switching them for another week, and then hopefully introducing them.
  2. I can Google until the cows come home and maybe also help replaced that dog-filled void, but first hand experience is always better to hear about. Max lived on the streets for the majority of his life, and in a crate for two weeks. We were able to pick him up in the shelter without any scratching, hissing or scrambling to get out of our hands… But last night he wouldn’t let us near him. We didn’t push it — only offered a hand to sniff twice, to which he backed away both times. He sniffed all around the room, and I woke up with him walking on the bed next to me at 1 AM. But I’m very nervous because most places say that feral kittens over 8 weeks will not ever be friendly towards humans… tips? Experiences? Make my cat cuddle me, please.