Wait, what.

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  • The English bro-fessors that helped with orientation were these skinny dudes, one mad Ted Leo-ish, the other with the longest ponytail I’ve ever seen, glasses and absurdly large hands, which I love, but not for the reasons you’re thinking of at all. There is something so cartoonish about people with exaggerated features that I can’t help but feel endeared to him.
  • Big Hands I Know You’re the One referred to the yellow-orange paper I was holding as “the goldenrod sheet of paper” and I was like, oh, goldenrod? My god. Swoon! Ya fucking Billy Shakes readin’ dude. PS, teach me the ways of Proust and I’ll teach you how to use conditioner.
  • I completely forgot to change my second major from Psych to English. 
  • I almost ripped the head off the orientation leader trying to help me pick classes, but instead I just said aloud “I need a friggin Xanax.” when she told me for the fiftieth time that I was in a “tight spot” because I already have most of my pre-reqs done and all of the English classes were filled.
  • Orientation actually wasn’t as as bad as I expected, but only because I completely shut down emotionally around hour 5 and just let my central nervous system run.