My brain decided to remind me that I’m on my period by making me remember that scene from The Blue Lagoon where the lady poisons her baby and then herself because she knows they can’t survive and then I cried for a solid 30 seconds of my life.
Haven’t seen The Blue Lagoon since I was 12.
It’s incredible that I still refer to myself as an emotionally stable young woman. PMS Caragh is an entirely different entity than Regular Caragh. Regular Caragh talks about puppies addicted to heroin, PMS Caragh cries when she thinks that right now in the world, a dog is giving birth to the most beautiful baby dogs in the world.
I bet their whimpers are soul-crushingly adorable… My eyes are welling up. My life is a joke. My entire fucking life is a big joke.
YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME BLEED? FROM THE VAGINA? OUT OF ALL THE ORIFICES IN THE WORLD, YOU’RE GONNA MAKE ME BLEED FROM THE VAGINA? AND THEN YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME SO EMOTIONALLY RETARDED THAT I CAN’T EVEN HANDLE REMEMBERING A SCENE FROM A MOVIE I HAVEN’T SEEN IN 9 YEARS?
I need a minute to collect my thoughts. Why? I don’t know. I’ve done nothing for the past hour and a half except watch L&O:SVU on Netflix InstaWatch while lying in bed cramping. Then I saw a character with long hair. Then I remember The Blue Lagoon and how when I was 12, my life goal was also to get hair that covered my tits. Then I remembered the baby being poisoned and thought about how hard that must be, to poison your own baby. And it’s too much. It’s all too much for me and now I need to take a minute.
While writing that, I started to think about how I probably don’t even know how to be pregnant. I know it’s something that happens to you, but I have a feeling whenever I get pregnant I won’t even be able to function. Like, what do you DO with a pregnancy? How do you STAY pregnant? I will do it wrong. I know I will. I’m a failure. I’m going to try and get an ultrasound to hear my baby’s heartbeat for the first time and accidentally walk into the Abortion Room.
I’m going to go take a nap.
