Week from Hell
- Was assigned a group for an Art History presentation. One person did not make it to any of the meetings. Night before the project was due, I e-mailed him and told him what his assignment was. “When do you want it by?” Well, it was due the next day AND he had to send it to me AND I was supposed to edit it into the paper. “Um, Tonight. Preferably by 9.” 1:30 in the morning 6 HOURS BEFORE WE MUST ARRIVE AT SCHOOL FOR OUR 8 AM PRESENTATION he sends an e-mail stating he had written it earlier, but forgot to send it. I laugh at what a horrible fucking liar this boy is. His “paper” was ONE PARAGRAPH LONG and reads as follows, verbatim:
The paintings Battista Sforza and Frederico Da Montefeltro and Triumph of Frederico and Battista contain some similarities and differences. They are similar in the style that they are presented in, because they are opposite sides to the same piece. Also, they are about the same to people, Battista Sforza and Frederico Da Montefeltro. They are different in that one side is the profiles of Battista and Frederico. On the other side it shows that both of them in horse carriages. The side opposite the profiles has a quote in ancient Roman that describes the politics of the Urbino court.
- THAT IS THE WRITING OF A FUCKING COLLEGE STUDENT. ALSO, he changed the paintings we chose for him because he couldn’t find one of them online. Do you know what you can’t find online? Not anything. You can’t not find anything online. It is literally impossible to pick an object and not find something about it on the Internet.
- I screwed up a lot at work today.
- A customer lied about me allegedly walking away from him mid-sentence. Fucking baffling.
- I am enrolled in prereq, core classes from which I do not need with no way out, as previously mentioned. I am screwed. There is literally nothing, nothing, nothing I can do. Even if I could withdraw and get my money back, I’m still pushed back to doing three more years of college. There is nothing. I. Can. Do. I have no legal recourse, I have no fucking way of fasttracking my degree in education. Best case scenario is talking to the Dean and being exempt from the one pre-req course that they claim I need next semester, but according to my Associate’s Degree, I don’t. I would almost rather take that course than go through what will inevitably become weeks of fucking bullshit and tears.
- I picked out glasses for the first time in 10 years, went to pay for them and couldn’t find my credit card. On the way home I listed facts about myself like: I’m fat, I have acne, I haven’t shaved anywhere in six days, I have this one weird hair growing on my upper arm, one eyelid droops slightly more than the other. I considered driving into a tree, but with my luck I’d end up retarded and not dead.
- My BCBS insurance co-pay was denied at the optometrist office, I was charged full price for some bro to tell me I’m blind. Did not know this until after the examination.
- I accidentally parked way too close to this girl’s car in the student parking lot and didn’t notice until I heard her say to herself, through my shut window, “are you FUCKING serious?” She then sat in her car and glared daggers at me, waiting for me to try and get out. Unfortunately for her, it was a good parking space, so I never looked directly at her and instead pretended to joyfully talk on the phone for 12 minutes until she gave up and pulled out, looking for another space. She then sat in that new space for 4 minutes while I still pretended to have a full-blown, happy conversation. This is my fault, and I take full responsibility for being such a stupid bitch, but it was a really good parking space. If she had opened with “can you please move?” I would have, but she came at me much too angry and I don’t understand why. I wanted to ask if she was molested as a child, because that’s the only reason to get so aggressive over me parking so close to you. It must be because you were molested as a child. Anyway, because of this game, I was late for class.
- In the middle of presenting the aforementioned project, I looked down and saw that my leopard print bra was clearly visible through my shirt. Looking back, I can only hope this will earn me extra credit. In the moment, I started to sweat profusely. Profusely. I can’t say profusely enough in terms of how much nervous sweating I was doing with the knowledge that two leopard print mounds were beaming through my shirt.
- My transmission is going. Quickly.
- I had a really bad head cold, which has migrated into a chest cold.
- Tonight I only finished 3/4 of a paper I promised myself I would complete and then spent 35 minutes alternating between looking at my pores and crying. I wish I was lying. I really wish I was.
- Some kind of cutish guy got flirty while doing a banking transaction. It was fun until, while putting his deposit into his account, I saw that he was poor.
These are all reasons why my week was awful, plus more. I want to curl up and be sad forever. I have no desire to find happiness. I just want to sit on my bed and cry and let the tears seep into my large, hulking pores. The sodium content of my tears will enter my bloodstream via these craters and bloat my face even more than it is already.
