My Pippi Longstockings hair was the most successful thing I’ve ever done in my life, as evidenced by a group of Japanese tourists who stared and smiled at me, while one motioned for me to take a picture with her friend in addition to a bunch of other people who asked me how I did it while touching my head.
Right now I’m on some Japanese tourist’s Facebook page about her visit to Salem, Massachusetts for Halloween 2011.
Never in my life have I done something that made strangers want to pose with me while giving the peace sign (the peace sign made my year, really), and never in my life will it happen again. I could die now because I will never be better in the general public’s eye than I was in that moment.
But then I smoked weed for the first time in 4 or 5 days, and got high for the first time in a couple weeks, and became a fountain of mumbling words until I shut up and started to think:
- What if I never do anything better than putting a coat hanger through my braided hair?
- Should I do braided pigtails all the time? Is that some weird Lolita shit to do that as a 23 year old?
- It’s like bows. I love things with bows but I feel like such a liar wearing them. I’m not a bow woman. I’m not a pigtail woman. I can’t pull these things off.
- I can’t pull anything off.
- I bet those tourists took a picture with me because they hate my hair.
- Yeah. Somewhere out there there’s this website. A Japanese website. They travel the world and take pictures of people with shitty costumes and then make fun of them for being so ugly.
- When I get home I’m googling “japanese costume website bad hair” so I can find my picture.
- I won’t even be able to understand the insults, they will be in Japanese.
So there you go.