I mean, here are some facts about Tommy Gunz, who is slow. We think.:
- He is not allowed at my house.
- This means nothing, and lots of nice people have this, nice and SMART people, but I’m just putting it out there… He has crossed-eyes.
- He told my mother that HIS mother was with a black guy and so he has two black brothers. One of whom was shot in the face and died.
- 30 minutes later my mother meets his brother.
- Who is incredibly white.
- My mother says, “Tommy (Gunz), I thought you said your brother was black?” He responds with, “oh, uhhhh, they weren’t really my BROTHERS, I just knew them.”
- He stole jewelary from his grandmother and gave it to my sister.
- Then had his grandmother pick my sister up from our house.
- The grandmother told my father she has no idea why any girl would date Tommy (Gunz) because he doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have a GED.
- FUCKED THE 14 YEAR OLD TWINS DOWN THE STREET.
- Oh, yes. That’s right: Last week he told my sister he has his GED, he just has to take a few more tests. After questioning my sister about WHAT THIS MEANS, becuase THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE, my mother and I have decided that he is either straight up lying or took the pre-test to the GED and actually thinks, ACTUALLY THINKS, that he now has a GED.
I can’t even tell you how delighted I was when I met this waste of space. “Tommy,” I asked him while I was headed to my friends’ van parked outside my house, “Tommy, you RAP?!”
“Uh… … Yeah.”
“That’s awesome, Tommy. That’s awesome.”
And I explode in giggles, no longer trying to contain how hilarious this is all to me, and leave.
