Wait, what.

1. John Stamos is on SVU playing a reproductive abuser. He’s gotten 20 ladies pregnant and then wifed up the blonde biddy on the left because she adopted one of his bio-babies. Then she got her pregnant. This is after she finds out that he’s fathered a Duggards amount of children.

2. I don’t even care that I was home by 11 on a Saturday because I love John Stamos that much.

3. I walked into an arcade, played the claw machine, and won. Then I played a second claw machine and won a second prize. Then, and are you ready for this? I played a third claw machine and did not win a third prize and am still bitter about it. I know I should be happy with two stuffed animals that I’m going to donate/throw out in 1 to 2 years from now, but three for three just sounds better. 

4. My friend’s mother mentioned my blog in front of other people, and when I had to answer the question of what I blogged about I was like, “uh,” and then I wanted to die a little bit, and then I wanted to die a lot, and then I just said “I post a lot of pictures of my dog,” because “my PMS symptoms and marijuana” is a really impolite set of words to say to a stranger.