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I'm really embarrassed about blogging. You would think I would quit this, but I can't. It's like that movie about that gay cowboy and that other gay cowboy and how they want to quit each other, but they can't. It's like that with me and my blog. We're just two metaphorical gay cowboys who don't have the ability to quit each other. Except my blog doesn't have the ability to quit me, so it's even more depressing. It's just me, one metaphorical gay cowboy, not being able to quit an inanimate object. I'm not gay and I'm not a cowboy, but I think you get what I mean. Heath Ledger was so hot in that movie. I write for a hip, cool site over at HelloGiggles because I am a hip, cool person. Just kidding. I don't know why they asked me to write for them. I'm also an LOL tag editor for Tumblr, so that is also a fact about me. You're welcome!

If you're into it, you can start by reading my posts about Mrs. Coco T, pleasure yourself to Super Close-Ups of Christopher Meloni, or really get to the root of how much of a mess I am by reading about Things That Shouldn't Give Me Anxiety, But Do. Or like, whatever. Just do whatever. I don't know how to do blogs. I don't know what you're here for.

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My love for Louis Theroux is like no other. He’s so babelike and bespeckled and his hair is bad which I like and he does fun stuff with his life. My favorite is how he gets answers from people. Sometimes, after he asks a question, he just remains silent and the person he is talking to tries to fill the awkward silence with words and then that’s how Louis Theroux gets people to admit to and/or own up to things.

He’s so smart and funny and has that ever-so-slightly Aspergersesque quality that I really find attractive in a man. I mean, I don’t find Aspergers attractive, but I find Asperger-like qualities endearing. Whatever. I know what I mean. i don’t care if you don’t know what I mean.

Related: Is there a Napoleon Complex for people with awful last names? Because I think a comparison can be made for Hans Ass-burgers. You can’t just take a disorder and be like “this is a lesser version of this disorder” and then name it after yourself. It’s still the same thing! IT’S STILL THE SAME THING! THIS MAKES ME REALLY ANGRY!